Strange Quirks of an Albino Ferret
by whenthewallscomecrashingdown
Summary: Rose Weasley presents: Strange Quirks of an Albino Ferret, AKA Scorpius Malfoy, from A to Z with special commentary by the amazing Rose Weasley herself.
1. Chapter 1

If there is one class I hate more than history of magic, it's….wait. I don't hate a class more than I hate history of magic. It's awful, terrible, atrocious, and all the other synonyms of the word. Binns is as boring as my Uncle Percy in the mornings, the topics are as dry as the July heat in the Sahara desert, and more than once one of my family members has popped up in the subject.

It's also bad because I have to sit behind Scorpius Malfoy in this god-forsaken class. Malfoy is an annoying little prick, but an amusing subject to observe. He just has so many weird…quirks. And that is how you know how bored I am. Here I sit, a mere girl at the ripe young age of seventeen, but not just any girl, I'm Rose Weasley, and instead of paying attention in lessons like I normally do, I'm paying attention to Malfoy.

But to keep up appearances I'm fake-writing down notes. About Malfoy. Not that anyone will ever see this anyway. So to keep myself occupied, I will now write a list of twenty six strange qualities that Scorpius Malfoy possesses. Starting with A and ending with Z because that's just how bored I am.

Merlin, help me.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Rose Weasley Presents: Strange Quirks of an Albino Ferret (AKA Scorpius Malfoy) from A to Z (with special commentary by the amazing Rose Weasley herself).<strong>_

_**A: Arguing:**__ Scorpius Malfoy loves to argue. You could tell him that the sky is blue and he'd disagree with you. Maybe in his world the sky really is orange; I guess I'll never know._

_**B: Baking:**__ For a Malfoy, Malfoy actually knows a lot about baking. Apparently his mum owns an amazing bakery in north London. I wonder if I beg he might be able to snag me some cookies….I've had a real craving for cookies lately._

_**C: Chewing on his Quills:**__ It's a disgusting habit that he must kick, yet one that I've noticed from constantly having classes with him throughout our seven year acquaintanceship. Ew. Who would want a feather in their mouth?_

_**D: Damn: **__By far Malfoy's favourite curse word. Commonly used as: 'goddamnit', 'damn you to hell,' 'damn' 'I'll be damned,' or any other common use of the word. Note: the author of this list believes that when he says 'I'll be damned' he reminds her of her grandad._

_**E: Eight:**__ His favourite number is eight, for "unknown reasons". However, it may have something to do with the fact that his birthday is December 8__th__._

_**F: Feels sick: **__You know Malfoy is sick when he's singing the Weird Sisters under his breath. Not much else to say about that I suppose, I actually think they're an okay band._

_**G: Germaphobe:**__ He washes his hands thirty times a day. Need I elaborate?_

_**H: Hair: **__Malfoy seems to have a strange obsession with his hair. He is commonly heard asking his friends, in his moments of weakness, if it is thinning. It's not….yet._

_**I: Ice Skating: **__Goes ice skating with Lily every winter. Don't know why. Suppose it's what he imagines having a little sister is all about, and fancies Lily his pseudo-sister._

_**J: Jam: **__Malfoy seems to have an obsession with strawberry jam as that's all he ever puts on his toast. It is also noted that he throws a fit whenever there is no strawberry jam. Don't know why he has an obsession with strawberry, I prefer boysenberry myself._

_**K: Kangaroos: **__Merlin only knows why, but his favourite animal is a kangaroo. It's also his patronus. You'd think it'd be a scorpion or something cool, but no. His favourite animal is a bouncing mammal that likes to pounce through the Australian Outback._

_**L: Licks his Lips: **__Constantly. All the time. Especially when he's nervous. It's an awful habit, as his lips get chapped easily. Probably makes it difficult for his snogging partners, though I've never heard any complaints._

_**M: Moustache: **__When all the boys in our year decided to grow moustaches to show their macho-ness, Malfoy didn't. Why? Because he couldn't. Haha._

_**N: Never kisses his girlfriend of the moment before a Quidditch game: **__Old superstition, seems to work most of the time (well, unless he's playing Gryffindor, then not even an old superstition will help him). The poor girls face when she realizes she can't kiss him good luck is priceless._

_**O: Optical Illusions: **__Loves them. Note: seems to have some strange obsession with things that are not as they appear._

_**P: Pretends to hate Albus: **__Loves Lily hates Albus. They fake fight all the time; they act more like an old married couple than my parents sometimes! But obviously they love each other (in that totally macho-man-best-friend-love kind of way)._

_**Q: Quotes Literary works constantly: **__Probably just to show off how smart he is. But, I am the Queen of Quotes and no one can take that away from me. We once quoted a whole passage of the Shakespearean play Hamlet, just because we could. We quoted the dying scene. And acted out the deaths. Lily was laughing so hard she was practically in tears._

_**R: Rain: **__Loves the sound of rain, but hates to be outside as he looks like a drowned rat, ahem ferret, when he gets wet. _

_**S: Sings in the shower: **__As fellow Head, I can testify that Malfoy definitely sings in the shower. And he's not all that bad. Well, for the most part. Maybe he should shy away from high pitched sounds though…_

_**T:Taps his fingers against the desk: **__Either to show his boredom or his impatience. Drives me crazy because he never taps out a certain pattern, it's just random noise. Damn him and his tapping fingers. Damn me for saying damn and then thinking of him. Damn this whole situation._

_**U: Ukulele:**__ He will deny it if you ever ask him but he owns one. I've seen it._

_**V: Vanilla: **__Loves the smell of vanilla. He smelled it in the Amortentia last year._

_**W: Why?**__His favourite question ever. Likes to ask it constantly so that it annoys the person he's speaking with. For example:_

_Me: I'm going to study for potions now._

_Him: Why?_

_Me: Because there's a test tomorrow._

_Him: Why?_

_Me: Because professor Wachtell assigned it._

_Him: Why?_

_Me: Because we're at the end of the unit._

_Him: Why?_

_Me: For Merlin's sake Malfoy I don't know why! Leave me the hell alone!_

_Note: this conversation definitely occurred yesterday._

_**X: …..**_

Hell, I don't know any words that begin with x. Why are there so few words in the English language that begin with x? Where is the justice in that?

_**X: X-ray vision: **__Malfoy wants it. Merlin knows so does every other boy on the planet, so I suppose it's not unique to just him, but whatever. You think of a better x-word._

_**Y: Yawn: **__Told me once that he hates yawning. Why? "Because it feels improper." Yes, that boy was raised by purebloods._

_**Z: Zucchini: **__Hates zucchini with a burning, fiery passion. Not sure why. Will find out._

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><p>And that concludes the list. Wow, I'm surprised I was able to do the entire alphabet. That's a bit frightening.<p>

Suddenly a gust of wind blows the piece of parchment off my desk. No! Why does there have to be random gusts of wind right when I least need them? It lands under Malfoy's seat. Please don't read it. Merlin, if he reads it I'm never going to hear the end of this!

"Malfoy!" I whisper yell.

He ignores me.

"Malfoy!" I try again.

I sigh and ball up a piece of parchment, throwing it expertly at his head and hiding with dead accuracy. My chaser skills at their finest.

"What Weasley?"

"My parchment is under you chair."

He bends down, irritated, and grabs it. Instead of handing it to me like I planned, he glances over it.

Oh shit! He's reading it!

The bell rings and I quickly pack up, determined to make it out of class before Malfoy can corner me, but I'm not fast enough.

"Well, Weasley. I didn't know I had a stalker on my hands." He smirks his annoying arrogant smirk at me.

You know what? I should change **A **to **Arrogant smirker. **He's much better at that than arguing.

"You don't. Lily made that list."

He rolls his eyes at my flimsy excuse.

"Lily and I didn't have a conversation in which we quoted Shakespeare."

Oh, right.

"I'm not a stalker, I'm just observant. I bet you couldn't write that list about me." I challenge him, returning his smirk.

"I bet I could."

"We'll see about that." I say, laughing at him. There's no way. I don't have enough strange qualities to write a whole list about, unlike someone else I know. I pluck the piece of parchment from his hands and spin on my heel, hurrying out of the classroom.

"You'll see Weasley! I'm going to make the best list ever!"

I roll my eyes and don't even bother to respond.

Another one of the strange quirks of Scorpius Malfoy: he's a constant pain in my arse.

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><p><strong>AN: I was going for a bit of humor...at least fake laugh for me? **

**Be on the lookout...Malfoy's list is coming up next!**

**Let me know what you think! And please, don't favourite without reviewing! It's like a lance to my heart...**

**~wwccd**


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, it's creepy that she knew all those things about me. I'm sitting here thinking about that damn list and I can't believe that she noticed all of that about me. Now that I think about it, there has to be some reason that she knows all of that about me! People who don't like me can't go through the alphabet naming random "quirks" that I have!

Maybe she's in love with me. Yeah, that's it. Rose Weasley is bloody in love with me. About time she realised it, too. And that gives me an idea for my own bloody list. Because she will be mine.

**Scorpius Malfoy Presents: Funny Habits of a Redheaded Weasel (AKA Rose Weasley) No commentary added because the list is self-explanatory**

**A: Addictively love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**B: Blissfully in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**C: Confused about her love of Scorpius Malfoy**

**D: Desperately in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**E: Enticed by Scorpius Malfoy…which is why she loves him**

**F: Faithfully in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**G: Grossly in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**H: Hatefully in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**I: Immorally in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**J: Justifiably in love with Scorpius Malfoy (he's a handsome bloke)**

**K: Keen on Scorpius Malfoy…because she loves him**

**L: Lost in the eyes of Scorpius Malfoy…because she loves him**

**M: Maniacally in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**N: Notoriously in love with Scorpius Malfoy **

**O: Obviously in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**P: Passionately in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**Q: Quietly in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**R: Rightly in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**S: Surely in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**T: Totally in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**U: Undeniably in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**V: Viciously in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**W: Wishes her last name were Malfoy because that's how much she's in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**X: Xanthically in love with Scorpius Malfoy…she turns yellow when Lily charms her for staring at Scorpius Malfoy too long**

**Y: yearningly in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

**Z: Zealously in love with Scorpius Malfoy**

* * *

><p>"Weasley!" I yell at her retreating back after Potions.<p>

"What do you want Malfoy?"

"Finished that list you asked for."

"You…finished…already?" She splutters.

I hand her the list and watch as she tears it open, a look of determination on her face. She's probably ready to argue about how much better hers was than mine.

"MALFOY! I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU!" She screams, drawing attention from everyone around. "THESE AREN'T QUIRKS! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE LETTERS IS ABOUT HOW I'M DESPERATELY IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

"Actually, I think that was only letter D." I smirk at her, loving the way her anger makes her face flush and how she's glaring at me all attractively, thinking she's scary."And you wrote a whole list about me. I think that constitutes as love."

"I was bored! Boredom does not constitute as love!"

Suddenly, I'm centimetres away from her, not sure how I ended up here. I take her face in my hands tilting it up slightly so I can look in her eyes. "Prove it." I say and then crash my lips on her. If feel her stiffen in surprise but after a second I feel her lips moving against mine, so I break the kiss.

"Malfoy!"

"Sorry, Weasley, I was bored. You know what they say, boredom doesn't constitute as love." I smirk at her and then walk away. Eventually she'll realise. She loves me. She just doesn't know it yet.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hehe :) That was really fun to write. Originally, I was going to actually have him write up a whole list of her habits, but this idea popped in my head and I couldn't help myself. I hope you enjoyed it as much I did, this was a really fun piece to write.**

**~wwccd**


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